


If Only

by Eww__PINK



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blaise Zabini is a Good Friend, Character Bashing, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Harry Potter is a Horcrux, M/M, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Marcus Flint is possessive af, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Pureblood Society (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2020-09-24 07:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20355019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eww__PINK/pseuds/Eww__PINK
Summary: {Fem! Harry Potter}"The flowers grow around her making Zinna shout out in joy, her aunt watches in disbelief before a tear slips down her face...Mother.."---Zinna has always loved nature.From the rain on her skin, the sun on her face, dirt beneath her toes and flowers in her hair she knows that she was different the first time her aunt made her tend to the garden and the plants around her purred at her presence. Though mistreated she loves her aunt more than anything in the world and wants to make the woman happy and love her for who she is (and to show her she isn't her mother in anyway, shape, or form). When problems become too hectic for the two of them to bare, they leave and turn a new cheek for the world of magic and meet a magical family along the way to help Zinnia with her plant based magic.In this journey, there will be hardship, there will be truth, but along the lines a little girl and her aunt learn to love each other for who they are with a fairy and a snake, a seer, and brutish man with a soft heart and a boy with a dog.Join her in this journey of magic, love, and of course flowers in the House of Flowers----/!!!rewriting!!!/





	1. 1

**Tranquility: Blue Tulips**

_ I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more. -Ann Frank _

* * *

  
  
  


It was raining again.

  
  


It’s been raining for the past three days; England drowns in the never ending pour as it covers every nook and cranny leaving no piece of land, no building, man, woman or child untouched by the cooling drops of the clouds. People outside running around like headless chickens trying to take cover under their briefcases or umbrellas’ those not so lucky would get splashed by passing drivers getting drenched as they loudly cursed the speedy drivers already down the road away from the angry pedestrians. Little ones outside decked out in their rain gear laugh in excitement as they stomp around in those puddles no matter how big or small, squealing when one of them gets caught in the crossfire. In the normal village of Little Whining down the road past the crazy cat lady over the ridiculously large rose bush was a house that was the exact copy as those surrounding it. A little girl was gazing lovingly out the window from her spot in front of the kitchen sink, her platinum blond hair was cut in a ugly choppy fashion sticking out in random angles and no matter how many times she tried to smooth it down it wouldn’t give into the fight, her crystal blue eyes shined in the light with specks of light green in them making them pop out against her tanned skin as a smile grazed her face as she listened to the rain outside. 

  
  


Zinnia has always loved the rain.

  
  


Though she wasn’t religious in any way (at least she thinks she wasn’t) she always remembered a story that the nun told the children of her bible class about how the rain was God's way of cleansing the Earth to start anew. Such a poetic way of thinking of the rain and the young girl couldn’t help but agree as she closed her eyes taking in the silence of the world to hear the soft ‘pitter-patter’ of the rain hitting the window pane. 

  
  


How can she wash the dishes when the rain was calling out to her? 

  
  


A time like this only comes once and a blue moon.

  
  


A time of peace and quiet, a time where she could hear everything around her and listen to the house speak to her with every rock and creek. Just like the rain when the house is silent at night always easing her nerves when things get too serious in the house. The yelling and the beatings tended to suck the life out of her but when in her little cupboard she would close her eyes and imagine the sounds of the falling rain putting her to sleep. 

A knock at her head made her grimes as she rubbed her scar, **“We don’t want to get punished by aunty do we little one? Start washing those dishes, you’ve been daydreaming long enough.” **the voice in her head whispers. Zinnia shifted a little on the stool getting back to the job at hand, being extra careful of her aunt's fine china paying very close attention making sure there weren’t any dirt marks or dust present on the said dishes. Thinking about the conversation earlier today she had with her aunt before she and her uncle left for their “date” her chin started throbbing a little and she paused to rub it a little to ease the pain: 

_ “You will clean this house from top to bottom girl. If I find anything out of place or a speck of dirt anywhere you’ll be getting no food for a week and will be sleeping in the backyard. Do you understand me?” _

_ Zinna’s gaze was at the floor, looking at her aunt's new light pink flats, her platinum blond hair was covering her face from view till forced upward to look into the eyes of her aunt. Zinnia made a whining noise feeling the sharp nails dig into her skin leaving an indent, her aunt only pinched harder. _

_ “I said do. you. understand. me?” she hissed. Dark brown eyes swirling with emotion that the little girl could make out; pain, frustration, even jealousy and regret made Zinnia nod her head, _

_ “Yes aunt Petunia. I understand.” she whispered. _

_ Her aunt looked down at her before pushing the girl away making her stumble a bit. Taking one last look at the girl she shakes her head, “If everything is up to my standards I’ll allow you to spend a day in the garden with me when the rain lets up and a day in the living room.” Zinnia smiled lightly, “I’ll do my best aunt Petunia!” _

  
  


Zinnia knows that she’s being manipulated by her aunt, but she rather live with her aunt than with her uncle and cousin any day. Of course she does smack her around here and there from time to time when she doesn’t pay attention or forgets something but her uncle and cousin are worse. Zinna wants for one day her aunt to look at her and love her in public like she does in private when no one is looking. She wants her aunt to treat her like the daughter she never had and for Zinnia she just wants someone to love her.

The rain stopped.

The world paused.

The sun broke through the dark clouds letting light through the whole house.

Zinna smiled up at the sky with her eyes shining. 

Maybe there is a God up there in the sky, and hopefully they can grant her this wish of keeping her time in this blissful tranquility. 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even gonna lie to ya'll, I hate this chapter.   
But I hope you guys enjoy it! I'll be updating MITN sometime this week so look out for that!

**Innocence: Baby’s Breath **

_ We each begin in innocence. We all become guilty. -Leonard F. Peltier _

_ _

* * *

No matter what God or deity in the sky says.

  
  


No matter what bible wielding individual screams at the top of his or her lungs for thousands to hear.

  
  


Every child is born with innocence in this hellish world. 

  
  


When they open their eyes to gaze upon the two people who’ve helped create them they can see the sins their creators have done in their life to get them up to this point in life to bring this tiny ball of pureness into the world. 

  
  


People such as Petunia Dursley née Evans was once a child of innocence.

  
  


She too gazed at the world with endless possibilities and exciting wonder with her chin held high covered in this wave of ‘I can take on the world!’. She was the apple of her parents eye (more so her father than her mother) but loved them both as much as her little heart could give. 

  
  


Those summer days of spending time in the garden with her father explaining the different plants and their meanings. Those many herbs and spices they would pick to try out with a dish for dinner presenting the results to Mrs. Evans who would praise them with a smile on her face. She remembered the tea parties with her mother pretending to be ‘ _ Ladies of the White’  _ talking in fake posh accents eating mini cakes and drinking tea with their pinkies in the air. She remembers her mother braiding her hair while telling her stories of princess and witches, knights and dragons, goodnight kisses and soft whispers that made her heart flutter when her parents would help her with those horrible nightmares. 

  
  


Petunia knew of innocents once...till it was snatched away from her. 

  
  


Right under her feet. 

  
  


She was around six when the incident happened. 

  
  


A Christmas party with family and family friends, the music was low as the cherry music filled up the halls as Petunia felt herself getting sleepy from drinking too much eggnog. She doesn’t remember WHO did it but she remembers WHAT he did. She remembers being picked up, her parents wishing her a goodnight and the person he carried her was whispering to her. She thought she could be safe with this person but as soon as they entered her room she felt like a monster just entered her room. 

  
  


The touches. 

  
  


The kisses.

  
  


The disgusting words that made her stomach churn wanting to run away into the arms of her parents who were only downstairs. Never in her life did she want to harm someone before, and Petunia knew she wouldn’t be able to fight back once he started to tear away her pretty dress her mother picked out for her and said,  _ “This dress brings out your eyes sweetheart, it’ll look lovely on you!” _ only for him to repeat the same words.

  
  


When everything was finished Petunia looked outside to the snowy world as she cried herself to sleep, her innocents taken away like it was tossed in the trash. No one came up to see her leaving the little girl into her own thoughts. 

  
  


Then Lily came. 

  
  


Sweet baby Lily was born and it was the worst day of Petunia’s life. 

  
  


She could never forget the night that the incident happened, she never told her parents but when Lily was born she knew she was going to be thrown away like yesterdays trash. Petunia tried her best, her damn best, to love her sister but she didn’t want to tant her innocent baby sister with her impureness. It was as if she was being punished when her parents ignored Petunia for Lily as if they could tell that their eldest child wasn’t as sweet as she told herself she was. Petunia knew her place in this world and it’s like the world knew her place as well. It was always ‘Lily this’ and ‘Lily that’ whenever Petunia wanted to have a sliver of her parents' attention (she wasn’t jealous of her sister, promise). Petunia just wanted that sense of innocents back into her childhood, she was nonverbally screaming for their love, she wanted to tell them what’s been eating at her core but she could never do it in fear of judgement. 

  
  


Years went by and her mental health grew worse. 

  
  


Lily was known as the  _ prettier  _ sister. 

  
  


The  _ red beauty  _ of the Evans family. 

  
  


_ Green eyed jewel _ is what the family called her. 

  
  


Petunia hated it. She hated herself because of this and who could blame her? She; a tall and stern looking girl with ugly pale skin with boring brown hair and a long nose was always overlooked for her sister's ivory freckled face, bright red hair and those beautiful green eyes. Lily was an angel and Petunia was not. Lily screamed innocents while she didn’t. But no matter what, Petunia always looked out for her sister without the young girl taking notice. When she met that boy Severus, she hated him from the moment she laid eyes on him. Petunia thought of him of the wrong sort, that boy from the other side of the track who always had dirty clothes and that god awful grimy look on his face when he looked at Lily. Petunia punched him when he made a comment about Lily once. She bruised her knuckles because of it but god did it feel good to do that. 

  
  


When Lily found out that was a witch Petunia hated it. Again another reason she wasn’t special and her sister was better. She choked down her urge to yell at the little girl but knew it wouldn’t make a difference. Petunia kept Lily at arms length once she left for Hogwarts. Never answering her many letters, never taking her many presents as much as Petunia wanted to indulge on the jumping chocolate. Never acknowledging her when she came home and told their parents of her adventures (Petunia would nearly have a heart attack when hearing out the plant that almost ate her sister), caring very little when she learned a new spell (Petunia wanted to hear about the spell that levitated objects and one that turned mice into cups), never once batting an eye when Lily came home one winter red in the face from the cold and anger when a boy named James Potter would bully her  _ friend  _ Severus (she wanted to tell Lily punch him in the nose to get him to leave them be as much as she hated Severus). But since she was so caught up in her own self hatred she never noticed how much it was hurting her family in the process, most importantly Lily. Lily cried about Petunia treating her like a ghost in their own home, like she was disgusted to have a witch for a baby sister. 

  
  


Her sweet innocent little sister. 

  
  


Petunia only pushed her away even further. 

  
  


When Petunia met Veron she thought he was a stalker. A creepy admirer who always showed up wherever Petunia was located on their campus. Always looking at her with his leering glaces just like Severus had done with Lily when they were children. His looks always took her back to that night on Christmas eve in her room with the strange man. She only spoke to the whale of the man when she had to which was only a few times in the day since they scared the same class. Petunia shrugged off the gifts and giggling of her friends when he was near, she was waiting for her prince to make everything all better. She wanted a man who would love her for her sternness and who wanted Petunia and not her sister, who wanted all of her imperfections and to help bring back her innocents that was snatched away from her. Only for that dream to be snatched away as well. 

  
  


Petunia dated, married, and had a child with Veron when he threatened to tell people about her baby sister being a witch. How he knew she never knows to this day but Petunia knew that being a witch was the happiest thing in the world to Lily and she wasn’t about to let this man snatch away her sisters happiness, her innocents away from her. Petunia never loved Veron or her son, she wanted a hole to swallow her whole and then spit out the bones when hell was finished with her. Lily found out and yelled at Petunia for doing that to herself and Petunia allowed it, only giving her sister a blank stare as she walked away and never letting her see her falling tears since Petunia knew she lost her sister. 

  
  


Retreating back into her mind and allowing those ugly thoughts cloud her thoughts again was the only way she could function with being a mother and wife. Petunia never knew that Lily was pregnant till one day an owl showed up at her kitchen window with a photo. Petunia never cried so hard in her life when she saw the moving picture of Lily, her sweet baby sister, James, looking as smug as ever but a proud look on his face, and wrapped in a yellow blanket her pale faced baby with blonde tufts of hair. Lily was waving to the camera with the cation, “ _ Hi aunt Tuni! My name is Zinnia <3 _ ”. And god did Petunia love this little girl so much. Petunia took this chance to send her own olive branch and gave the owl a small package and watched the large bird fly off into the night. 

  
  


Both sisters started to build some kind of relationship, sharing secrets that they never told others about. 

  
  


Petunia told Lily about the Christmas incident and why she didn’t like Veron and how much she was feeling miserable in her own skin. (She also had to try and keep Lily from killing Veron and the man who was apparently a coworker of their father). Petunia could only chuckle as she read the letters and hide the photos from Veron so that he didn’t burn them. As soon as they were getting closer, Lily’s letters got shorter and shorter. Almost cryptic in a way and Petunia only worried even more. Till one chilly night in November there was a knock at the door. Receiving the letter had put Petunia in a state of shock, her sister was dead, her husband was dead, the godfather was going to jail for killing a group of people at the wrong place at the wrong time and the other hasn't been heard from in months. Petunia couldn’t even shed a tear for the loss of her only family as she looked down at the sleeping baby girl in the uncovered basket. As much as she wanted to curse Dumbledore to high Hell and back Petunia knew her priorities were to take care of her niece and raise her as her own child. 

  
_And by god did she try her best to keep this innocent little girl safe_   
  
  


* * *

  
  


The world was quiet on this Thursday night. 

  
  


A light breeze was blowing in the Dursley household creating a comfortable draft in the slightly heated house. Not a single peep was heard in the house except the creaking sounds of the house and the fire alarm that was skipping since Veron never changed the batteries on the thing. All the inhabitants were asleep, all except Petunia who was kept awake by her husband's horrid snoring. Gazing at the ceiling Petunia was contemplating if she should take her pillow and suffocate herself to end this terrible life she currently lived in. Taking one look at the man she untucks herself from the thick blanket and swings her legs around onto the small carpet where her slippers lay. One last look over her shoulder to make sure her husband was asleep she tiptoed her way out of the room and into the hallway passed her son's room where he was also snoring up a storm. She passed the many trinkets and photo frames on her way to the stairs and made sure she was quiet enough to keep the stairs from creaking as she made it to the last step. 

  
  


She walks over to the tiny door under the stairs and unbolts the many locks (she needs to find the keys so she could hide them from Veron) and inside was the bright eyed child who currently resides in this terrible living space. Petunia takes one look over her taking in the nasty cut on her chin from when she gripped her to hard and instantly feels regret but her focus was on the large bruise on her face from where Dudely and his friends threw a rock at the small girl leaving a large cut and a purpling bruise. 

  
  


Those icy blue eyes looked into her sharp brown ones and Petunia tried her best to offer a smile to her niece, “Come on out Zinnia. Let’s get that bruise cleaned up now.” she said gently and Zinnia smiled lightly as she took her aunt's outstretched hand letting herself be pulled into the kitchen where the medical kit was located. 

  
  


Petunia made sure to thoroughly clean the wound as well as dress it. Chuckling when the little girl would try to talk her way out of getting the alcohol swabs only to hiss when the wet cotton was placed on the cut. Once that was done she whipped up a small meal for Zinnia to munch on while Petunia cleaned up the medical waste. Petunia couldn’t help but gaze upon her blonde haired niece as she slowly savored every bite out of the chicken pot pie that was made for dinner last night. Petunia loved having times like these with her niece. It reminded the older woman of times she had with her own mother when she would have nightmares. Zinnia hiccuped making herself blush as Petunia chuckled at the little girl. “I’m glad you like my pot pie.” 

Zinnia smiled shyly, “It was great aunt Petunia.” 

  
  


The little girl then grew confused, “Aunt Petunia, why do you always look sad when you look at me?” 

  
  


Petunia paused as she slowly turned to look at the little girl. Her large eyes looked into her own, that feeling of innocents slammed into Petunia as if she was looking into the eyes of her younger sister again. Petunia felt her eyes water as she gave a wobbly smile to the little girl as she laughed lightly, “I just miss your mother Nia...you remind me of her so much..” Zinnia grew quiet while her aunt wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her rob and cocked her head to the side. “Was mum like me, aunt Petunia?” Petunia nods, “She was like you and more. Always full of life and wanting to prove everyone she could be something in the world...when...when she found out she had a power she got so excited and went off to a school far away to help her control it. I was so proud of my sister. But…” Zinnia saw how her aunt's demeanor changed from proud to exhausted with a flick of the switch as she slumped into the seat across from her at the table. “I was too much of a mental mess to acknowledge that. I pushed her away from me to keep her from feeling like she should deal with my mess ups.” 

  
  


“And now一” her voice got wobbly, “Now, because of that my sister is dead. Murdered by a mad man and I’m left here to raise her daughter!” the tears were freely falling down her face now. Zinnia watched as her proud aunt broke down in front of her. Something in her coiled around in her chest, the feeling getting heavier and heavier till she let out a giggle at this tickling feeling that was growing on her skin. Petunia looked up at gasp, there, in her hair, was a Baby Breath growing out of the young girl's hair. More were growing out of her arms and Petunia watched them pluck themselves off of the girls skin and hair and walk over to the tear faced woman. Zinnia picked up her night shirt to keep herself from tripping over it and climbed out of her seat to walk over to her aunt. She hugged her by the waist as she buried her head in her fluffy robe and the flowers themselves ‘hugged’ them as well. “Please don’t cry aunt Petunia...I’m sure mum thinks you’re doing a wonderful job raising me.” 

  
  


Petunia was silent as they sat in the kitchen lighting at the dinner table as she closed her eyes and breathed. 

  
  


Petunia knew of innocents once. 

  
  


And innocents continued to be with her every step of the way. 


End file.
